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The last six months have not gone as I expected, desired. In fact, parts of it have been brutal By the way, I'm Doc Tom Having, energy alignment guide. And perhaps you should stop this video because up to this point, I don't feel like I've been doing a good enough job of guiding myself. I stopped making YouTube videos 'cause I'm old. My mind says, "No one wants to watch videos from an old guy." My teeth, they're crooked and they're not especially white. I have these lines going down now. I'm too old to do this. No one will connect. But maybe no one was connecting 'cause I was trying too hard for you to like me The truth is, I do want people to like me. The truth is I do want to feel that I belong to a group, to a tribe, to a movement. I do wanna feel valuable Throughout this year Another online business did not produce revenue, so I am currently working in a sales position, which I'm very grateful for. But at the same time, there's part of me that says, "You failed again." Here's where I didn't fail. It's going into the presence awareness, the peace of presence, because I've learned since the divorce in 2022, since the collapse of the business back in 2020, that's actually when the reverse start- the divorce started. I've learned that I can Return to stillness, to peace of presence, no matter what's going on around me. And it doesn't feel comfortable. Like my mind says, "Fix it, fix it. Do it, do it. Prove it." But it never works. I learned to pause, breathe, listen, align, and then do the next action And here's another thing. I want to be seen as a good person The gym made a lot of money, and truth be told, I kinda got addicted to the money. Like, it felt great. It gave me value, gave me worth. It gave me freedom to choose things. But I always felt guilty about making that much. I know And then I became so obsessed with making more money that I lost sight of why I started LifeLight Fitness to begin with. Long story short, I started prioritizing the money over the people Doesn't feel good to reflect on that or know that, but that's what I did And so since then, I mean, needless to say, the business eventually collapsed. All my savings sucked up. Now I got myself to like 100k of credit card debt And up to today, nothing I've done online has created revenue Nothing Why is that? Cause I'm trying so hard to be seen as someone who doesn't care about money, that only cares about helping people. I'm trying so hard to be seen as a good person. Am I a good person? Maybe yes, maybe no. Who's to say? One thing I've realized is I will no longer pretend like money doesn't matter to me. I wanna make a lot of money again Yes, I learned lessons the first time around But just embracing the truth that I desire to have an abundant flow of currency circulation Do I trust myself to handle it better this time? Maybe, maybe not When I do trust myself and I do embrace the fact, the truth that I want lots of money I have a feeling it's gonna flow better, and I have a feeling I will show up more authentically and help people better Trying so hard to be liked, to come across as a good person And even when no one's watching, I am doing everything to be a good person. Compassion, kindness, patience. My spiritual guide dog, Rocket, is a good practice, 'cause sometimes he wants to stay, sometimes he wants to go down. He always wants to go play, and I used to get mad. Like, "God, just simmer down. God, I have stuff to do." Now I just say, "Okay. Okay." That's what's happening now What I'm sharing is an invitation to prioritize spiritual fitness. And we didn't have to complicate it. Spiritual fitness for me is as simple as settling into presence awareness So many words and thoughts are not necessary all the time. But settling in and having connection conversation with the internal knowing, the source that is guiding without attaching meaning to the outside circumstances. And my mind is a meaning-making machine. It makes a meaning of everything. So if something happens, my mind makes a story out of it, and those stories usually feel pretty, pretty shitty. So what if I didn't have to make a meaning story? What if I just let the feeling flow through, the thought pass through, and return to presence awareness So what I've learned to do, I call it spiritual interval training. It's very much like working out. Like in a interval workout, you'll do... Several ways to do it. You can do a minute of strength training, 30 seconds of rest, another minute of strength training. Sometimes they call it HIIT, high intensity interval training, where you do high intensity cardio like burpees or mountain climbers, rest, do it again. Same principle applies to spiritual interval training First, spending time, spending space, creating space to align with presence awareness. Choosing, deciding, devoting, declaring, and then demanding that the thing I'm choosing is happening. And then get into action, aligned action. Get to work. Do the work. But don't do the work for the s- sake of getting it done. Do the work, Tom, because the process of doing the work is, that is the life. That is the name of the game And as the work's happening, oscillating between the actual doing and just being. Pause, breathe, feel the presence of source See if anything new is coming through, and then return to the work. Back and forth, back and forth I'm sharing this video today because I have a feeling things are about to change, in my relationship and financially. Because the change has been occurring in my inner space for quite some time, and by the laws of the universe and energy, it's only a matter of time until the outside world reflects that back I'm declaring it. I mean, no more just hoping, wishing, waiting. Deciding, declaring, and then demanding. Demanding it. Like, I'm not settling for less Maybe that's not a good person way to do it. And then devoting to that outcome, that intention, that flow I'm Doc Tom Having, and I'm sharing this because maybe you're in a similar space. You think you're too old, you think your teeth are too yellow and too crooked Or maybe you're just like me, so used to trying to say the right thing to come across as a good person. When the right thing was never aligned with what's really going on in my heart, body, mind We get to change. We get to choose. And today, I'm choosing truth. Who are you choosing and being?